Post-PC ramblings on love

(I wrote the first part of this about a week ago, but am just getting around to finishing it now)

I’ve just enjoyed, or 'loved' two days off at home, or two half days and one full day at home, or, best expressed, forty-eight straight hours at home. I had a PC (proficiency check or check ride) again in Charlotte, with a relatively good time slot of four PM to ten PM, plus a debrief. Spending another night in Charlotte meant my first day off from flying or training duty was actually a travel day (still a working day) I get paid for, to travel back to my domicile of Washington, DC. Instead of going home through Washington, I got up early on just a few hours sleep and jump-seated to the Twin Cities of Minnesota and then home, to big slushy snowflakes falling at the airport, but a cold rain falling on the other side of Sioux Falls, South Dakota, the city I commute out of. The seasonal change to spring is almost upon us, and the first day of spring is one week from now, excellent.

About my PC: it went fairly well, after I spent most of a long overnight in Charlotte preparing for it the day before. There’s always so much to study for, and as usual, at some point I felt like I studied a few of the wrong things I hope to study earlier and smarter next time.  I even made a simple sixth month studying checklist after this one: if I study such and such each month I won’t have to cram as much for it next time. But I made no serious mistakes, no retraining was done, and best of all, I didn’t crash! With simulated engine failures on takeoff and realistic wind shear encounters, it’s a possibility. Also, It’s considered a good sign if the Instructor is nitpicking your technique, which he was, honestly.

I don't love PC's, but I don't loathe them either.  It’s always good to have a review of our jet’s systems and procedures, backed up by a demonstration of my capability to actually fly and perform those procedures in the simulator. We know what’s going to happen, pretty much, the instructor is mainly the facilitator of that during the flying portion, and the quizzer during the oral portion.

The ‘box’ (the simulator) has a delay, a lag, however, between the time you apply the controls till when the ‘airplane’ reacts. This is due to the time it takes for the host computer to realize you want a greater bank angle or lower pitch attitude, for example, and then to calculate the change and transmit the response to the simulator itself. The advice to overcome this tendency is to make a control change and wait a moment longer for it to happen than you would in the airplane. But it takes discipline to not over control the simulator, it does for me at least. I remind myself to wait and not over control, and to breathe, as strange as it may sound. Breathing well helps you to think, not surprisingly.

And when I have two days off at home, like I do every time I have three days off while commuting on two of them, two subjects enter my mind: I must make the best use of my precious time at home, and I ponder why I’m doing this: why do I continue to sacrifice time with my wife and girls, and time at home?

Besides my religious and spiritual motivation which helps me to justify being away, and upon which I've expressed at length before, there are a couple other prime reasons I've neglected to mention. I need a job to pay the bills and the mortgage, and support my family with, that's the simple one.

The other one, and I'm surprised that I've never come outright and wrote it here, is that I love flying. I Love flying! I've always been fascinated by airplanes, long before I was a pilot, since I was a boy on our driveway, craning my neck to watch Cessna's and 727's pass across the sky.

Here are just a few things I attach the L-word to in flying: punching through an overcast layer of clouds into the burning blue sky, and surfing them for a moment while still enveloped; dodging puffy stray cumulus clouds, using these giant punchy cauliflower growths as pylons in the spring and summer; the challenge of hand flying a final approach, still mystified at the runway enlarging at us in a 700 foot per minute descent and at a speed of two and three-quarters a mile per minute; takeoffs are fun but landings are better, a tailor made return to terra firma satisfies my passengers and myself, sometimes I say “lucky again” out loud to avoid grandstanding (and to keep the "luck" going).

I wouldn’t exactly say “I love being a Captain” and having all the responsibilities and leadership role that comes with it, but ‘its good to be the king’, as Mel Brooks says. Some of you youngsters might have to Google that to get the reference. I would much rather be a Captain than the First Officer, but I'd rather be in a secure sport at a major airline than at a regional.  I’m always my favorite Captain: I get to run the show the way I want to, within reason and our SOP’s, of course.

It bears worth writing again that the hardest part of this job is dealing, in a healthy way, with the emotional and physical toll due to not being home. Again, I’m blessed and lucky to be doing something for a living that I love to do. Not everyone gets that opportunity. Too many pilots lose sight of their love for flying, they let the demands of the job overshadow their passion for it.

Life is meant to be lived in balance, it is demanding when getting the most out of it, whether you’re a free spirit or a devoted religious person. My personal experience has been that a life lived “in Christ” brings balance, peace, and an eternal perspective that re-orients one’s eyes and heart anew. Want to be in better balance on the see-saw of life? Put Jesus on the other end!

This is some of what I’ve learned, and keep re-learning, with Jesus Christ in my life: God loves me, not because of anything I’ve done or will do, He just does. God’s will for me is to know him, and to make him known, and to glorify him, whether I‘m flying planes or fixing drains.

He wants to be lived out in me! May I be so presumptuous to say exactly this? Yes, the following Bible passages quote Jesus implicating it to be so in John 14:23 (his home with us), John 15:4-5 (the vine and the branches), and John 17:21-23 (Jesus prays for his disciples).  Galatians 2:20 is one of my favorite verses in the New Testament.  Galatians was written by the apostle Paul, whom Jesus, in glorified form, met and temporarily blinded him on the road to Damascus, while Paul was named Saul, a zealous Jew, and actively persecuting Christians.  Paul teaches clearly in this verse that Jesus lives in us: Galatians 2:20 (ESV): "I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Love is an interesting thing, it asks you to do things you might not want to do otherwise. Love asks you to sacrifice. My wife and I have sacrificed a lot for each other, and will continue to do so, out of love for each other and to enable me to do what I love. “God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” - John 3:16. The proof of the love God has for all of us is in Jesus Christ, my friends.

Thanks for reading my blog, and God bless you today.

The Sick 'Man in the Box'

I'm writing about my recent Proficiency Check (PC) in the 'box', the full motion flight simulator a couple weeks ago. It wasn't cool, radical, or impressive (the modern slang definitions kids use for something that is 'sick'), but I made it through ok. I actually was sick, the cold and flu kind, and afterwards I wished I had called in sick instead. Unwisely, I had deadheaded down to CLT the day before, 18 hours after I started feeling a little achy and stopped up. By the time I made it down to CLT I felt significantly worse, but still good enough to eat mexican next to the hotel. The day of the checkride came, and I regretted showing up, but I made it through. The worst was yet to come.

Whether you're a pilot or not, do yourself a favor, and learn from my mistake. If you're sick, you're sick, no matter what you're scheduled to do. The simulator is used all day and night long, and there's significantly less airflow in 'the box' than in the real airplane's flight deck. It's a great germ factory to pass on bugs to other pilots and instructors, and I didn't properly consider that factor before I showed up at the training center. It's easier to reschedule a PC than cancel a few because the examiner is sick, and you only need one pilot, not two, to conduct a PC. I hope my sim partner or examiner didn't get sick. I emailed them to express my regret if it occurred.

Post -checkride and post-adrenaline, I boarded the US Airways jet in CLT for the flight back in misery. Breathing rapidly, I definitely had a fever going, and appearance wise, I thought it was good I was out of my pilot uniform. Then, waiting to get off the plane in DC, I was still trying to clear my clogged ears, and rubbing my hands together to prevent shivering. A hot crash pad bath later, I myself crashed in exhaustion, and awoke to wet sheets. However, my fever had broken, and I felt much better, relatively speaking, so I went home on my first of two days off, knowing I would call in sick on the second day. I was to commute back the day before for another trip, and by experience I knew my sinuses and especially my ears would still be too congested to fly an RJ around for three days.

What kind of fun do we have during a PC? Well, for the first two hours we have an 'oral' portion, where the examiner quizzes myself and the other pilot on our jet's pre-flight procedures, limitations, emergency memory checklist items, and the operation of the various systems of the jet (Electrical, Environmental, Fuel, Powerplant, Hydraulic, etc.).

Next, we have a four hour simulator ride, where we're basically put through the ringer. The examiner 'plays God' with the weather and aircraft's location and behavior. The simulator is mounted on hydraulic struts and is connected to a 'host' computer, which is programmed to make it mimic the real airplane. It's so realistic that the FAA permits new pilots to do all of their flight training in the sim. That's right, the first flight almost all airline pilots perform in a new jet (to them) is one with the paying public on board.

One of us is the PF (Pilot Flying) and the other is the PNF for each half of the four hour session. We fly a normal takeoff, and that's as about as normal as it gets. Steep turns and demonstration wing stalls are performed before we start a myriad of instrument approaches, with aircraft system malfunctions occurring at various times. Engine failures always thrown in, usually right at rotation speed on takeoff roll. We experience windshear and loss of control events that we would valiantly try to avoid in the real world. On a PC we expect to usually go around from an approach, not land. We have so much to get done in such a short time that a PC makes for an intense experience, we really have to pay attention, focus for a while and work together as a team.

My PC partner Ben and I have both been studying for a least a couple of weeks for this, both the oral portion and the flying portion. It's stressful, but if I've studied, I'm prepared. I've been flying this jet for over five years now, so these days it gets a little easier each time. For me, the part that requires discipline is actually studying, because I am pretty familiar with the aircraft. Fortunately, I didn't slack off too much for this one, and my PC went pretty smoothly.

When it comes down to it, I actually like PC's, because I always learn a few things, make new friends, and afterwards I feel accomplished and prepared to fly the paying public for another six months. Speaking of which, what would you like me to write about for the next six months? New or old stories? Flying related or crew/passenger? Spiritual matters or practical? Educational - career wise or my personal history? Let me know, or not.

Before I'm done with this one, I'd like to drop this on your lap. Commuting home yesterday from my last four day trip, I was narrowing down a title for this post, and the thought of another sick 'man in the box' came to me. I remembered Layne Staley, former lead singer of the grunge-metal band Alice in Chains, and their song 'Man in the Box', from 1991.

Unfortunately, Layne Staley is gone from the earth, his emaciated body found two weeks after a fatal overdose of cocaine and heroin in April, 2002. Alice in Chains had quite the following during the 90's, starting with 'Man in the Box' and it's despondent and shockingly honest lyrics of his seeming resignation to a fate of intended spiritual blindness: (these are PG lyrics BTW)

"I'm the man in the box, buried in my ____, won't you come and save me, save me

Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut

Jesus Christ, deny your maker

He who tries, will be wasted

Feed my eyes, now you've sewn them shut"

Shocking words from a song which struck a chord in many a lost young person's soul, which is still played on the radio. More often than our culture knows or acknowledges, rock song lyrics reveal the true duality between the dark spiritual lives and real struggles in the physical lives of people.

However, to be fair, in a recorded interview with Fuse TV, Layne Staley himself stated that the lyrics are about censorship in the mass media, and "I was really stoned when I wrote it."

Really. I've always taken song lyrics in any song at their face value, and everyone should have that attitude. How can Rock artists say with a straight face that the controversial words in their songs are just words, they don't mean what they seem to? It's just another denial after the first one. Conversely, the hymns and praise and worships songs we we stand and sing for the Lord our God on Sunday morning and at Christian music concerts don't mean what they say either?

Taken in the context of the words, these lyrics have scriptural truth, strangely enough, and in my opinion are tantamount to (1) taunting God to save you with no act of the will on your part, (2) asking and inviting the Enemy to help you deny your maker (who is naturally known to all men - Romans 1:19-20), and (3) declaring the spiritual truth that if you intently deny Jesus Christ, you eyes will become spiritually blinded and 'shut'.

Taunting God to save you will not get much of a response from Him. Crying out in submission and acceptance of Jesus as your personal savior will. Being saved still takes an impetus of the will, from somewhere deep inside your heart.

Think about the difference between belief and denial. These lyrics portray the process of denial but belief changing to pure unbelief. They deny Jesus Christ while at the same time acknowledging him as his maker - There is no unbelief in those words, just denial. The final fruit is a blindness in which there is no way to see the light anymore, an inability to believe anymore.

Applicable verses? We got plenty of 'em. John is a favorite 'Gospel of Love' that teaches good deal about the 'light'. From John 3:18-20 (the part after 'for so God Loved the world . . .'): "18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed."

The Old Testament prophet Isaiah saw Jesus' coming glory and wrote about him. John quotes from Isaiah 6:10 after Jesus has entered Jerusalem for the last time, and 'most of the people still don't believe in Jesus' despite all the miraculous signs he had done: From John 12:40: "He has blinded their eyes and deadened their hearts, so they can neither see with their eyes, nor understand with their hearts, nor turn—and I would heal them."

The apostle Paul has some very interesting and applicable words from his second letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 4:4 (NLT): "4 Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God."

Are you shocked by all this, or would you like more? The popularity and prevalence of Satanic images and the acceptance of 'evil' (as long as it doesn't 'hurt' anyone) in our culture is to me just more evidence that the Enemy is among us, and that we're living in the last days. The popular metal band Metallica has the strong presence of the Enemy evidenced in the words of their hit "Sad but true". Click on the link for a look at the lyrics.

Let's put on the full armor of God, and remember this from Ephesians 6:12: "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."

Maybe I brought you down with my other 'sick man in the box' stuff. But in the fallen world we live in, which is currently the enemy's dominion, it needs to be addressed. As Christians, we can reach out in Christ's Love and fellowship to others who are sick men and women in the box, no matter how sick they are. Some will come out in the light to be treated and made well by the master physician, and our eternal God will be glorified forever.